Here's a picture of the artificial lake outside my apartment yesterday. (It hasn't receded much:)

And this is what it looked like after some rains earlier this month:

So as you can see...we had quite a soaker on Sunday. But what did my team leader Marcel elect to do...that's right he dropped off a box of housewares. The following is a mere sampling of what was in the box:

Lately though, my fellow analysts and I have been reluctant to plan our evenings on the weekday. We are never quite sure what information request we might get and how soon it might be need. As a result I'm never quite sure if I'm staying late on any given night. So for now, these dishes and pots will simply be used to convince visitors that I am not a psychopath with no furnishings who merely lure in unsuspecting victims to my apartment to kill them and eat their flesh, Jeff Dahmer style.

Speaking of cannibalism though, I thought it time to do a political update. There's good news and there's bad news. Which do you want first? (Wait this isn't going to work.)

Let's start with the good news. It turns out that Obama's loss in Nevada is apparently not that soul-crushing. Much to my surprise, I didn't know that the Democrats hand out their delegates proportionally. And Barack actually has a very real path to victory next Tuesday, even though it's far from certain. Very simply, Clinton leads in polls of all states but Illinois and Georgia. But in both of those cases, Obama has a good lead. Clinton's margin of victory in the other states over him is shrinking. And since each state is awarded delegates based on population, you can see how this is going to be closer than people realize. But the truth is, Obama would still lose today if the polls hold true. And truthfully, even if he hangs close enough he won't quit the race. Moreover, if he doesn't do well in the Northeast, he might tamp down turnout out West. But things actually look brighter for him now than any time except the day after the Iowa Caucus.

So what's the bad news you ask? John McCain's solid showing in the Sunshine State, particularly South Florida. Now realize, you probably think I mean that McCain in doing so locked up the Republican nomination and poses a problem for any Democrat running against him. But actually I mean that McCain's success in Miami-Dade suggests the Dems might be out of luck there in November. It's true that the I-4 corridor (between Tampa and Orlando) is where the growth is. But South Florida is usually viewed as an extension of the Yankee North, and as such a crucial battleground for Dems. Instead, Clinton only beat McCain by 15,000 votes there. Of course, no one in Arizona is getting too excited, we have a Super Bowl going on. (Well the Ron Paul people always have been...and the Obama staff are picking it up...but anyway).

I realize I might not post again until after the Super Bowl, so before I go I need to make my prediction: Giants 20, Pats 17. I smell upset. I have no problem being wrong, of course, but the great thing about blogging is that you have proof about when you made your predictions. And with that, I'm heading to sleep.

As you might have heard, the budget got delivered on Tuesday morning to all interested parties. Now, if you want to read it here is the link: Executive Budget FY 2009.   It's okay I know you didn't click on the link...I only mention it so that you understand I expected some changes as the week began. But you'll never guess where they came from.

Staying late one night, I found myself on McDowell Road driving through the Papago Buttes when I realized there was some huge, white object in the road. The speed limit is 50mph there, and I didn't have the highway to myself. So I had to brake suddenly and try to avert a collision, both the object in the road and then with my passing cars. I succeeded in only grazing whatever the thing was and went on my merry way. But the next day I noticed that my brakes were acting up. So I told my team leader, Marcel, that instead of heading out with him on Saturday to visit this furniture liquidation place I was going to play it safe and have my car inspected.

The good news is that the extent of the damage was functional not structural. I smoked my brakes, and the mechanics also discovered my battery was leaking. I would have guessed both of these repairs would have taken place this year...but not quite this early. The quote was around $350 and I spent almost $700 on replacing my brakes at the dealership last time. So, [knocks on wood], I managed to save myself some money.  

Meanwhile though, my financial picture had changed. While I would go with Marcel to a string of furniture liquidators the next day the best place was closed. Secondly, it was raining.

Now, one thing to understand is that Alta Sonora may be a desert, but it's awful wet as a desert getting almost ten inches of rain a year. But this past storm was something else, it managed to rain all day with very little let up. That's uncommon around here because of the arid conditions. It's also a tad dangerous, as drainage is pretty awful and you can end up with serious flooding. For example the following photo is from my balcony window. You can see there's a bog that forms in a grassy area after any rainfall.

Today on the other hand, the flood area includes everything between the gazebo and the two trees. I've never seen the stillwater so big. I'm going to have stop calling it a bog and declare it full on marshland. (If it's still there tomorrow I'm going to photograph it.)

But Marcel announced that while I might have lost the opportunity to buy a couch in the very near future, he had acquired a new TV for me. Which means that one of these days I might actually stop watching just PBS at night. But then the question is, do I go to IKEA and just buy some crap furniture for now? And then use other month to get cable...a Wii? The choices are sort of stultifying.

Sort of like the fact that it seems like every weekend it's been raining. I had to drop something off in Joy's office and ran into Richard who works with her on our IT. He seemed to be confused why in a "La Nina" year we were having so much rain. (The conventional wisdom on the West Coast being that La Nina brings less precipitation.) I had to tell them both that my experience makes me wonder if climate change is making the reverse true. The last strong El Nino I remember was my senior year in high school. But in 2004-05, we had our second-heaviest year of rainfall in Los Angeles ever. It was fed not by the El Nino pattern, but by the Madden-Julian Oscillation. In Southern California at least it's also called the "Pineapple Express" because the storms often originate from subtropical moisture near Hawai'i. (Ironic since El Nino yields memorable rains from the Gulf of Alaska.)

In any case, I tend to think climate change is shifting the flow of the jet stream so that El Nino and La Nina are hitting farther north than they used to. That would explain why El Nino years don't seem to impress any more, while LA Nina are suddenly so wet. So far I've found no discussion of this topic anywhere. But I've noticed Southern California becoming more humid over the years and wondered what the cause may be. Joy of course wondered if there would be so much rain (half-seriously) that we might see some areas turn to beach. Elevation is low enough to do that to some parts of the desert one day...but the elevation of Cougar Country is around 1,000'. So don't expect too many refugees from these parts.

You know, maybe I should have registered as a Republican to vote for Ron Paul after all. Why you ask? Because something fishy is going on in the desert near Dateland. (See map.)

Last Thursday night,  as Rita and Chey made their way here they were stopped by an impromptu checkpoint on the road there that appeared to be associated with the Department of Homeland Security. The officer they said spoke in broken English to the point they could barely understand him. He asked if they were "national" or "US" citizens at a haphazardly arranged tent with a sign that they didn't understand. I joked that they should be sure the guy didn't work for the Mexican government or some human smuggling ring instead of the Feds. Both of them are citizens, and answered affirmatively. Thus, they were allowed to procede on their way.

In the news today however, was this:

Rapper Lil Wayne was arrested on three felony drug charges early Wednesday after federal agents said they found illegal drugs including cocaine on his charter bus at a checkpoint in southwestern Arizona...

[Captain Eban] Bratcher said Carter's bus was stopped at about 11:30 p.m. Tuesday at a Border Patrol checkpoint near Dateland, Ariz., 78 miles east of Yuma.

Drug Enforcement Administration spokeswoman Ramona Sanchez said a Border Patrol canine unit alerted agents to the presence of illegal drugs on the bus. A search yielded nearly four ounces of marijuana, just over an ounce of cocaine, 41 grams of Ecstacy and miscellaneous drug paraphernalia and DEA agents then arrested Carter.

In case you are wondering, the DEA is not part of the Department of Homeland Security but under the Department of Justice. This got me thinking just why the Feds are pooling resources like this to form an interior Border Patrol checkpoint. I'm wondering if this is even legal given that we are guaranteed fair and free passage in between the states by the Constitution. Moreover, what probable cause did these DEA agents have to search the vehicle? I'm not pretending to be a lawyer here...but I'd genuinely like to know.

It's easy to pile on attacks of the Bush Administration about the Patriot Act and all the other actions that make me feel System of a Down is right in saying "...and we all live in a fascist nation". But this sort of thing has been going on for decades, with the Executive Branch always eager to expand its power. And trust me, Hillary Clinton or John McCain won't reverse the trend.

But seroiusly, random intercity checkpoints? What is this....Mexico?

The second part of my weekend began with a familiar sound: snoring. Yes, Sunday morning I decided to sleep in. Such days are precious now, being midway through the budgetary cycle. But I was determined to get something done, so I rolled out of bed...headed to my favorite sandwich place and then drove to Macy's. But as I sat in the parking garage I realized I should go to Costco first and buy paper plate, floss, and as luck would have it a new map for the car. (Given all the new construction around here, it wasn't a bad idea.)

I then attempted to get some cash back only to find out that I had "exceeded the maximum". I asked what that meant and the cashier told me that the limit at this Costco at least is $60 back. I said nothing, but I was shocked as.... I don't like going to get cash often, so these days I usually pull out about $100 a week for "lunch money". That way I can keep track of my expenditures more closely than if using the debit card. But at this point, I was more sensing an ugly feeling in my stomach. Why on earth would Costco start clipping the amount you could get in cash back? At this point my non-existent tin foil hat was left to buzz over the thought that Costco Inc. had realized the fees paid to banks for the service were not worth it and quietly getting people to stop using it by offering less cash back. I mean, realize that Costco has a pretty high and stable stock price. If it's management fears something is going to undercut that it's not just a sign that they are being greedy...it probably means that there's a real reason to assume declines in the economy. If Costco's not doing well...eeesh.

Taking the azithromycin meant that I couldn't take alcohol until it left my system even though my dosage was done. So I tried to think what would be fun to do sober. And for that I struggled for a while until deciding to see Metalhead at Martini Ranch. They are an '80s glam rock cover band. Generally it comes very highly regarded as Sunday night fare...but I had been going on 3 day weekends to Dons-R-Us. Just in case you are wondering, it proved pretty rewarding. The cover is only $5 and when I asked for nonalcoholic drinks the bar staff gave them out free. I still tipped them.

The band is fun to watch, although I'm not sure I would do it every Sunday if I could. (Are there that many memorable '80s hits?) But despite the crushing feeling of standing there off and on for three hours...it was surprisingly good. At one point some gal noticed a promotional item from Bacardi that illuminated itself. She asked for it and figuring that I didn't really want more crap gave it to her. Big mistake as later in the night she kept wanting to dance with me and kiss me. She's not my type, but she did mutter in her drunken incoherence that I was "beautiful". She also tried to dance with other guys who were less sober with varying amounts of success.

If you are thinking there were other great close encounters think again. Before that an older lady who was full-figured kept moshing behind me so that I felt her crashing into me. At first I thought she was trying to get my attention. But I soon saw her date and couldn't figure it out, other than she might have felt unperturbed. Later on another much younger woman decided to do much the same thing. But her boyfriend soon got uncomfortable and switched places with her after see her "boobs hit [my] shoulders". Oh how wonderful it is to have good hearing.

I drove home thinking I'd see armies of cops handing out DUI's. After all, this has been my fear since moving here. But instead I found really empty streets (although it was Sunday night) and got home after waiting a long time for some lights to turn green.

The next day I determined to go to the Desert Botanical Garden myself. It was a nice day and cool. (Below 70F). So I went in time for lunch and walked to the their cafe, ate an unexpectedly tasty wrap and then began to walk around. You can see what I saw in the photos below. But keep in mind, while the Garden opened in 1939 as has some very mature plants that were there naturally many species have been imported from other places. (Most conspicuously the Organ Pipe Cactus.) My photo essay stopped short around 4pm when my camera began to complain that it was low on batteries. Christ I thought, no way. So while I managed to take a few more photos, I blew out and headed for ....yes.....Costco. Luckily they had on sale Duracell Ultra which are "specially designed for digital cameras power needs". That may be crap...but given how fast the batteries in the box died on me...well I was game. (And it's not like the batteries were a bad deal.)

From there, feeling like I had suffered sunstroke or something, I went to have dinner at the Kona Grill happy hour. I was sort of excited since usually I'm not off work fast enough to stop by and see how busy it is. I took my spot at the bar and the waitstaff weren't pissed I ordered food and no booze. But I began to realize that the happy hour menu sucks. Well sort of. The sushi is fine...but I think the chicken satay didn't impress me. And while there were single chicks there...no one really noticed the guy with his head down feeling like crap.

Today Marcel wondered if I got his voicemail about heading to the high country this weekend. He wanted to let me know he was available to go to the furniture place on Monday. D'oh. However it's all the same. It's going to rain this weekend and I'll need something to do.

A while ago, Rosie asked me who I was going to vote for. But the truth is, I didn't want to answer that question until I had seen what happened in Nevada this Saturday. Last week also proved eventful...but if you haven't realized already I use that term because it is so ambiguous.

In sum, I went to the urgent care center again on Tuesday because my cough hadn't abated. And it was the determination of the physician assistant I saw there (for the first time) that I should get another prescription of antibiotics and an inhaler. This was because of the displacement level I was showing on breathing tests. And also because my chest X-ray was negative. But the albuterol seemed to do more harm than good...but the new antibiotic azithromycin...worked wonders. Within a couple days my yellowish mucus was gone and I felt almost back to normal.

And wouldn't you know it, as I was driving into work that afternoon, I got a flat tire. So naturally I had to take even more time off to have Triple A rescue me in the parking lot and attach my spare. The next morning I went back to the Wal-Mart Tire and Lube Express and watched them take all morning to patch it. (I'm beginning to wonder about that place.) But all this unexpected down time left me racing to finish just an odd assortment of tasks before the weekend.

Meanwhile, Rita and Chey made it safely into town. But they grew frustrated because about 3pm on Friday a new surprise landed on my desk. The other analysts...oh they were already packing up and leaving. And so by the time that I told Rita and Chey to come upstairs (almost 5pm)....everyone else was gone. But I had to make them wait because I had yet to check all my voicemails. They did get to meet the Director before they left, though.

For dinner, Rita had asked me to find a "cheap steak place". And while that sounds like an oxymoron...it turns out with Joy's help I learned that was just such a place. It's called "Texaz Grill" because it was started by some people from Texas. It's basically a giant Texas roadhouse with good food. Though the ribeye we learned is far superior to the prime rib.

I was supposed to meet Rita and Chey the next morning at 10 for brunch but that turned into 11 because I saw Sam online in the middle of the night and asked him what was up. He had been backpacking through Asia and had met up with his family in New Zealand. He's planning on going back to China to work for a while in Shanghai.

Anyway, I had suggested that on Saturday the Tors go with me after brunch to the Desert Botanical Garden...which is a big deal out here. But Rita decided she wanted to pick up some apartment hunting materials and before we knew it we were driving to the Silicon Desert to explore complexes. And wouldn't you know, we ended up at the one in which Duane lives. But we didn't stop in and say hello, (given that I didn't know we would be coming). Instead we then go back on the road and headed to North Cougar Country. And we went to a complex that sounded very different. But it became evident as we took the tour that the entire complex was laid out the same as where Duane lives...from the interior design of the units to the arrangement of the pool and fitness center.

I tried to tell the leasing agent that this problem was because commercial landlords sell properties religiously to take advantage of tax depreciation. And the comment went so far over her head, well anyway. She did just start there last week. Afterwards we hit the Kona Grill happy hour (which is a Cougar Country institution) but I couldn't drink anything because of the pharmacist's declaration that my antibiotic would stay in my system for five days after I finished the prescription. We then bolted north to eat at Yasu Sushi Bistro. It's the most highly regarded restaurant on Yelp in all of Alta Sonora. It's going to stay that way for a while, given that I don't review things until I've been there at least three times. But truth be told, I'm not so sure it's going to keep its perch.

I had to go back to my apartment to take the last dose of my medication and then I decided to call my brother because it was his birthday. (Previously I figured I would have some break during the day to do it...but alas.) This prompted Chey to look online at his email. There we saw two news bits: that USC had upset UCLA at home in basketball and that John McCain had won in South Carolina and Clinton in Nevada.

After some deliberation Rita realized she was tired and decided to go back to the hotel and say goodbye. It was a strange feeling, having friends around again. But I guess I have to get used to it...as sooner or later someone's going to want to spend time with yours truly.  Of course, my weekend was just beginning but I'll save the rest for tomorrow.

Instead, I'll answer Rosie's question. Originally, I had half a mind to register as a Republican to vote for Ron Paul. Not because I like all of his platform, because he's absolutely phenomenal in causing the "War Party" to crash and burn. He throws Giuliani's fascism right back at him, and does the same to Romney with his phoniness...and McCain's complaisance...and on and on it goes. He's a real conservative not a neoconservative and that's why I like him. But as luck would have because of the rules out here in Alta Sonora I have registered as a Democrat.

So I had been following John Edwards very closely. But after the endorsement by the Governor, I began to think it was really down to Obama and Clinton and that between the two, I would pick Obama. Now really, I think both of them are awful. They are case in point why you don't see many Senators move on to the White House. In Obama's case is it's that while his rhetoric is very nice, he is really a bag man for his state's biggest economic drivers. But he conceals it very well...because of one of the most influential donors in his home state is Archer Daniels Midland who collects most of the federal subsidy for ....ethanol production. So this has allowed Obama to parrot a very anti-Iraq line because wouldn't you know...ADM is all for us leaving the Middle East and getting subsides to product ethanol here.

But as bad as Obama is for Democrats, his administration could be salvaged with the right team of Cabinet members and leadership on the Hill. That's not true with Hillzilla. On paper, she offers everything a Democrat, liberal, woman, etc... would want. But the fact is that if you look at Bill's tenure after the GOP seized Congress...it was anything but progressive. Instead the guy signed on policy failure after policy failure from work-to-welfare, to the DMCA, to the Telecommunications Act of 1996, to the Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act. And the worst part of it is, these changes are part of the reason people are suffering now in this current insanity. But because the Clintons are so popular...everyone is mum about the fact that President Bush has only been so "effective" because of policies Clinton helped implement.  Given that Bill has already given away the store for political success, I'm not sure what Hillary will do. But it can't be good.

The "good news" for Democrats is that a guy named John McCain has turned a corner. The media is trying in vain to tell you that the race isn't over...but it almost is. While another candidate could conceivably win in Florida and sweep on February 5th...McCain is feasting on the divided and fractured state of the Republican base. Until Giuliani, Romney, or Huckabee gets a clue...it's likely that the core support of McCain can win state primaries with 30% of the vote. After all, there still is a pro-Bush faction out there that would have backed an heir apparent. And while McCain says in the debate that he is a maverick...he's done Bush's bidding remarkably well over the past few years.

And the bottom line is, if it's McCain and Clinton, expect the following: Republicans win a squeaker, in large part because the demographics of the country favor the Republicans now more than they did before in 2000. The Dems have to win in the South or the West to win. And the fact that Jim Webb beat George Allen in Virginia shouldn't get your hopes up....Jim Webb is not Hillary Clinton. Moreover, Hillary as the nominee takes away the strongest argument the Democrats have: Iraq. Their candidate needs to take the sledgehammer to the GOP every day about Iraq and its relationship to our failed economic state. McCain is likely to wither away under the rigors of the Office. (Think Reagan in his second term.) His staff and Vice President are likely to be very influential ( sound familiar) but in the end there won't be enough political capital to stop a rising star on the Democratic side taking the White House in 2012.

The only problem is that Iraq and the economy are going to get even worse before 2012...and the nation may not have enough barf bags to handle the queasy stomachs around here. In any case, assuming Barack Obama doesn't end up like Vince Foster, he's like to get my vote for the primary.

As I was still coughing myself into an early grave...Rita decided to drop a bomb on me. She and her husband Chey were planning a trip out here for the upcoming three-day weekend. Why you ask? Well that's because Chey had received several requests for interviews here, but not many in San Diego. Originally the Tors decided they wanted to stay here...but as of yet I'm still not furniture compliant. (There's nowhere to sit, for now.) So I told them, trying to be constructive...if you plan to drive out here and want to give you all for the interviews...stay somewhere else. Preferably a hotel...with a real bed and real places to sit down. Assuming I make good on my plans to buy a couch in the near future...this won't be a big deal...but my place is still lacking due to relocation expense after relocation expense that is taking precedence.

In any case, Rita and Chey will arrive around Thursday on midnight. Hopefully we will grab dinner on Friday night. Saturday we may go out. But ....otherwise....I'm not sure what shape I will be in.

Feeling still a little sick, I decided on Saturday to see yet another movie. This time it was "There Will Be Blood". Now you will likely hear this is the best movie of the year. I hope that's not true...only because you'll realize by the end that it's very close to "Boogie Nights" + "Magnolia" = "There Will Be Blood". Yes, writer-director Paul Thomas Anderson has aged gracefully. But let's face it, when you deliver the impressive "Nights" at age 27...what do you do for an encore? A decade later, we know. It's the same movie. Instead of loosely basing a great film on the life of John Holmes, porn star extraordinare, the honor this time goes to Edward Doheny. (You don't know who he is! If you live in Los Angeles or went to USC...you should!)

In any case, just like "Nights", "Blood" takes us back to an industry's heyday...when oil gushers shook the landscape of Kern County, circa 1911. But unlike "Nights" which did a good job of narrating through the late 70s and early 80s...."Blood" merely begins in 1898 and ends in 1927 to give viewers perspective. In that sense it's an anticlimactic exercise, one which will leave you scratching your head at the end. Yet, given this it's still a rewarding movie. The acting is first rate, even if Day-Lewis channels a bit too strongly his role as Bill Cutting in "Gangs of New York". The cinematography is also superb, and the dialogue is very emblematic of the turn-of-the-century.

Best Picture of 2007? After seeing "Lust, Caution" I am unconvinced.

Sunday night, meanwhile, it was time for the Yelp bowling event. And you can thank Rosie. She encouraged me to start posting reviews of restaurants and other businesses on the eponymous site. (Basically that's all the site is for...users share reviews on businesses.) But as you can imagine, most of the users are my age and much to my surprise also transplants. And also to my surprise, many of the Yelpers have banded together to host events. My heart melted to learn that in January they would do a bowling night. I mean, realize, when you don't have anyone close by...something like bowling is basically not an option. I was so psyched. Another revelation was that one of my coworkers unbeknownst to me also joined the site and has been going to these events for a while.

I made surprisingly good impressions. One person even gave me his business card unsolicited. I was stunned, but happy. This happened of course as I continued to cough my lungs out. Not to be outdone, this tech-savvy crowd naturally had someone who made a YouTube video of the event. And yes...I'm in it. (Please try not to laugh at my style too hard.)

Not that you would know, but it's been a heck of week at the Crunk Factory. For months, I haven't said that much about my job because the Governor wanted to protect her Budget Management Plan under executive privilege. So I couldn't explain all the strange little interludes that eventually led us to where we are now. Two proposals, one executive, one legislative as to remedies for this year and next's budgets. If you want to read about the Governor's plan go here. For what the Appropriations  Committee Chairmen want go here and click on the one dated 1/4/08.

But now you say, you know Thomas...I really don't care. And I respect that. Many people I know are in California still, and well nothing here matches the "new" plan of Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's one thing to release felons and generally cut back on services there in tough budget times. But the Govern-ator wants to close public beaches as well. For once, I'm glad there's no ocean in Alta Sonora.

My job now switches from investigation and research into more communication and negotiation. However, as of late we haven't testified much to the Legislature.

Which leads us to the other big earthquake out here. The Governor is going to endorse Barack Obama for President. I have told some colleagues that she could end up as his Vice Presidential candidate...as conventional wisdom had thought of her more as a cabinet post.

Naturally though, I was too sick the night of the New Hampshire Primary to weigh in about what's happened. The Iowa Insurgents for both parties failed to mimic success in the Granite State and now the race is wide open. Well...not really. On February 5th, all the states that border the New York City television market go at once. While Illinois (and California) will also cast ballots...that's a situation that favors Hillary Clinton. So if you are Barack Obama, you have to win South Carolina and Nevada the next two contests where any delegates are at stake. He's already leading in the Palmetto Polls, so that leaves sunny Las Vegas, Nevada to decide our American President.

I know, but Las Vegas has been emblematic of our country for the last decade. And the fact is, Obama picked up the biggest union endorsement possible there (the Culinary Union) while Clinton maintains the poll lead. The Nevada event is a caucus and on a three-day weekend so it ought to be a great time to visit. I think, however, I want to shop for furniture instead.

You know, cutting out on the job just as things picked up for the new year wasn't the plan. But wow, what can I say, I haven't been sick like this in a while. Even my stint with mono doesn't match this. But before you worry that I've been lying in bed, coughing up blood, I can reassure you it's not like that. Instead, it's been as simple as having to do with the cure almost being worse than the disease. It started with body aches and a fever, and when that recovered, the doctors merely thought it would take some anti-biotics. But then my body reacted adversely to the prescription...and my fever came back. So now after missing another two days at work I think the worst is over.

My weekend didn't really involve anything fun. I did get my haircut and finally buy a digital camera to post pictures here. But as you can imagine, I haven't exactly run around with my new toy much. But I did post a picture out my window to celebrate the odd sight of Cougar County in the rain.

The fact is, this gives me a little time to talk about something my friend Chris (author of "The Twinedog Chronicles", see right) and I had been discussing. Although I've found it difficult to meet people after relocating here in general, even while I lived in California I made little headway meeting girls. Or should I say, I had no problem meeting women at all, and even meeting women (and men!) who wanted me romantically. Problem was, I didn't feel these were stable situations to be in. (In case you are wondering, I'm heterosexual. Thanks.)

Chris (who is much taller than I am) grew confused the longer he knew me about why I thought my height was such a big barrier to meeting women. I had to explain to him that I didn't used to feel that way, but the longer I put myself out there, the more and more it seemed to be huge turnoff. But realize, I'm not a hobbit. In fact, statistically I'm taller than maybe 90% of the female population.

Nevertheless, Chris (and other people around me) would argue that it is all about attitude. And the example Twinedog favored the most came from the indie film, "The Tao of Steve". Now, I've never seen the movie, and I'm not going to give a review. Instead I'm going to surprise some of you and say that the eponymous philosophy of the film says exactly what I have been thinking and saying for a little while now. And hopefully by the end of the post, you'll see the connection.

To understand the "Tao" does not require a background in Eastern mysticism. Instead, all you have to think of is describing the operational function of this philosophy. (In other words, Taoism often refers to what something is not, for example, not what it is.) The character Dex relates three major principles to the protagonist in dealing with women (and in reality all people in adult life.) They are: 1) eliminate your desires, 2) demonstrate excellence in front of "her" and 3) retreat, allow her to pursue.

And now, my two cents.

Eliminate Desire:  The Buddhists say that all suffering is caused by want. But remember in Old English, "want" actually means a lack of, not a desire to. And that's crucial to understanding what this really means. You can't eliminate shortages in your life. You will never have "enough money", "enough time". But what you can do is act as if you don't need anything. Now I know what you are thinking, but hear me out. The reason you eliminate desire, is so that you do not appear sexually desperate (according to Dex). And that sense of desperation is hard to shake. Women want winners, not losers. The problem is, that they may not evaluate you properly in determining if you are a winner or a loser. So most guys choose to "front"...or as some might say, "lie through their teeth."

Irony is, "fronting" never works for me. No, it's not because I'm a unrepentant douchebag, it's because my fundamentals are solid. Good job, good education, good character, etc. Now, I can still appear "desperate" in ways that other guys do...but it's a product of things I have no control over at all...zero...none. And in theory I could lie about that, and tell people in my life that I have huge plans when I don't and all that...but such actions don't resurrect my dead family members...and they don't change the unusual circumstances of my life. But the desperation still bleeds through sometimes, and it literally forces men especially to be pretty lonely based on the fear that other men and women will judge them about admitting the need and desire to be socially accepted and loved. And in the past, that is what bedeviled me, and I don't expect in the future my family to change.

Chris though would often say (again among others) that in time I would escape this through having a family of my own. But the fact is, those potential marital partners seize on this familial dysfunction and it drives them away like you would never believe. Case in point, my ex-girlfriend's older brother told her to leave me because "you know as an orphan he's going to have issues". And my youngest sister got a comment in the same vein from her last boyfriend as well. Given  that my ex-girlfriend's parents disproved of my race, I was not shocked at the comment from her sibling...especially since he underachieved in life. But to hear my sister suffer the same fate was truly disarming. This really is human nature, isn't it?

Demonstrate Excellence in Front of "Her": This is the easy one, right? Nope guess again. There are two reasons for this, one practical and one aesthetic.

Why did I say practical? Because think about the venues in which you might meet a person. It doesn't have to be in bars or anything like that. People meet each other through things like school, organizations, parishes, and even the Internet....but that initial meeting...how long is it usually? Long enough that she's going to notice and appreciate your skill with water-colors? Long enough to demonstrate your knowledge, sensitivity, and humor about your choice for president? You can only communicate so much information in a short period of time and as such this is why aesthetics matter...er....dominant the conversation.

But the truth is, if the person lets his or her guard down, of course there is always time to show them your Louvre-quality pastels. But that realistically won't get your foot in the door unless you happen to meet this person where she would be inclined already to ask about it.

So if just any old "excellence" won't really do...what works? Unfortunately, the answer is always what you can see. It isn't always about muscles, height, or something patently physical. It's that you have to show the excellence in a visual format. Obviously if you are an athletic specimen this is easy. If you are tall this is easy. If you are really good-looking this is easy. But if you are wealthy, this is also easy. If you are disabled, this is easy. But if you are not a human candy wrapper, it is sort of difficult to say something unique and "excellent" in your presence. Sure, wear your stethoscope around and people will ask if you are a doctor. But wear those Academic Decathlon medals around, and people are going to think you are weird.

And that's what makes the process so absurd. The New York Times had a story this week about how professions like medicine and law are losing practitioners by the boatload as they feel it was not worth the stress or frustration. Yet would Dex say that being a "doctor" would like constitute "excellence" because of how others perceive the profession not what it really feels like? That I don't know, but there's another part of this equation.

Some of you might have noticed that I have begun writing reviews on Yelp.com. Rosie encouraged me to do this because she felt I was too strong of a writer not to. But even though it (and this blog, and my work product) all demonstrate excellence...who sees that? Does a girl really fall for you because you are (gasp) a good writer? I doubt it. People have known this about for a while and it has produced no tail. Instead, I'm going to posit that the aesthetics of "excellence" are dynamic and not mutually exclusive. In other words, those lithographs might be world-class but you can over-shadow them.

Now why do I say this? Because I'm not just a good writer...I'm talented in lots of ways. And beyond that, I'm intelligent. And all women on the face of the planet figure this out...quickly. So I'm in "excellence" mode all the time and I don't desire half the girls I meet. So why don't they all throw themselves at me? Lack of size + intelligence = condescending. Good looks + intelligence = real genius. Now every female I know will cry foul on this...'cuz it's true! What makes you seem desperate will always undercut you if its more aesthetically prevalent than your "excellence".

Why? The human brain cannot separate the message from the messenger. Or put another way, human society must operate with some modicum of trust. And in this case, the "trust" is the realization that geeky Bill Gates can't be a better provider, husband, lay, etc. than Tom Brady. This is why for example more people fear flying in airplanes than driving. They can't really believe that a professionally-trained pilot on a vessel they have no control over is safer than something they command themselves. But it's true. No woman believes a 5'8", 155lbs guy is "the best she can do" unless there is some overpowering reason. And it may have nothing to do with him.

The solution to this is really quite simple: control what others see. Now at first, it might seem easy. Wear clean clothes. Avoid using a lot of profanity. Subtlety hint at your "excellence" but don't make it obvious...etc. But that might not be enough. Depending on who you are, you may have to stay on message more than a presidential candidate. For example, I have always been open about the fate of my parents. I tell lots of people what happened to them. But part of me thinks strongly that appearing "deviant" at all simply undercuts what is great about me. Part of me is almost tempted to delete this blog, delete my presence on social networking sites, destroy anything about myself that screams "damaged goods". Part of me thinks that if you learn one thing as a social scientist, it's that editing is more important than drafting. That since no light escapes the event horizon, all you have to do is control for perspective. But my nature personally is not that cynical, and as you can see, my blog still exists.

Retreat, Allow Her to Pursue: This is actually the easiest concept to understand. Dex invokes Heidegger, but it's more a recapitulation of the first rule "don't look desperate". The most important trick in marketing if you are offering a bad deal is of course to claim they have no time to decide. I mean look, if they pressure you, they are scared. But if you as a person aren't some crappy used car...why do you need to do this? Because the pressure gets to everyone. Now Tom Brady and company are paid to perform under pressure...and even little boys get the drift young. Put up or shut up. But a fair number of women are not exposed to this harshness, and if confronted by it don't know what to do. Now of course, if they are...then this can backfire a little. But if you see the movie, you will see this is precisely the issue that Dex himself ran into.

But there's another more benign reason to let her pursue. You find out what she is thinking. If you try to manage the pursuit like an offensive coordinator you are likely to have turn over on downs due to a false start. Females are usually less confrontational, and more likely to simply skulk away at the right time that vehemently shut you down. Letting her do the pursuit solves this problem.

In Sum: I found this relevant not because of my perennially challenged dating state. It actually revealed more about what's happened to my search for friends since moving here. And may explain what in the past made me so "popular". There has to be something that compels a person to associate with you. Right now at least, I have none, other than work. And there's no point in fabricating one. So my new challenge in 2008 is to actually identify what tie binds me to others. Assuming there is one, that is.

You might think I was pretty happy to see the light of day on NYE. But I had ran into someone the previous night who warned me the blockparty I wanted to still require extra cover charges to go into the clubs themselves. This didn't add up, as the ticket I had was just as expensive as other places that were not including alcohol in their admissions fees. So as you can imagine, I hopped in the car and drove a whopping five minutes to find out. After wandering around for a while and finding everything closed and blocked off...this guy from one of the places reassured me that all was good. But there were lots of other rumors from the night before...that food wouldn't be served after 8pm...and that cabs would charge a flat $40 fee to get in.

So I walked up there early and found everything empty....the good news was that I was able to find a place to sit. And sit I did alone, conspicuously for hours as groups came and went. I was there so long I began to think I had seen Jeffrey Jones...but I'm not really sure. (What is it with this town...I lived in Southern California my whole life and saw maybe a handful of celebrities.) Afterwards I began to drag myself listlessly up the still pretty empty street and into each of the clubs. (I should point out, these are not chi chi venues...none charge cover on a regular night.)

I continued to get more and more tired. Finally I head back to the one of the three I've been to the most, what I like to call the Mexican Embassy. I wander around until I finally see a place to sit with my water. Suddenly this chubby Latina nurse standing there begins to talk to me. She really can't believe I'm there by myself but it's true. So she hopes to introduce me to her friend, this sort of tall but very nice looking gal who was probably a little over thirty. She's not interested, and the original gal and I just start dancing and hanging out because these other two dudes walk up and try to serenade them. Naturally the chubby one is ignored so I just talk to her and she makes it sound as if she is rejecting me. But as you can imagine, I wasn't trying to hit that...at all. And before long they all left upset that she was too drunk.

So I wandered around and met another drunk guy who told me about his relocation from North Carolina. I took his number down, but eventually his group abandoned their table and left too. I ran across one final guy and this is where the story got interesting. He and I had a great chat until last call, only to give me his number and then he says "...this is my friend. His dad is Tom Horne." (The Superintendent of Public Instruction in Arizona.) So I walked home in a freezing daze, noticing the streets were conspicuously empty but the Walgreens was in fact...open.

The next day, I had a dilemma. The USC Phoenix Club had canceled their watching party. So I had to think of a place that would show the Rose Bowl. And after some deliberation I chose "Tramps & Stamps". I arrived at 2pm, not realizing that because of the time change, the Rose Bowl wouldn't kick off until 3pm here. So....thus I ate lunch and watched Michigan shock Florida. USC also apparently bulldozed Illinois, but I couldn't help but laugh ABC putting on Rick Neuheisel right before halftime. I can just imagine all the USC fans losing their lunch. In truth though it's probably not so. USC fans probably like the hire very much.

Sadly, I opened my phone and found I had erred and not saved any number correctly. If I wanted to find my "new friends" I'd have to use other means. And I'm not talking about photo-radar.

Since moving to Alta Sonora, I  only had at most a three-day-weekend to recuperate from the inevitable grind at work. That is, until now. I elected to take off New Year's Eve because my Saturday would be consumed by a Defensive Driving course down in the Silicon Desert. So I preferred to take the additional time so that I could go about my normal routine on Sunday and simply wait until Wednesday to show up at work.

So now you are asking, why exactly did I need to go to this Defensive Driving course? Well the answer is that one of the great innovations in Alta Sonora is something called photo-radar. The concept is deterrence, by using cameras to to issue traffic citations the hope is to reduce the amount of violations for things like red-light running and speeding. In my case, I happened to drive past a school on one of my lunch breaks to look at an apartment complex. The speed limit when school is in session, (not when children are present) is 15mph. Try getting your car down to that speed without coming to complete stop first and you'll see why I got the ticket...for driving a reckless 22mph. But that's all it took for the camera to trigger and mail me a ticket to where my plates were registered at the time in California. And hence my court date came and went without me knowing. I only found the ticket at my grandma's funeral.

Yet the irony of the situation is that this is dubiously legal. Our rules of civil procedure require a summons to be delivered in person. Mailed tickets are not valid. Naturally, to punish the people who actually know their rights, cities then require the violator to pay the service costs which can add up to another $100. But they also realize all they can do is postpone the court date until they can dispatch the server. However, in my case I was not personally served because cities do not want to pay someone to travel outside the County, let alone the state. Still, I didn't want to find out the hard way what Pueblo Grande was going to do to me if I didn't pay up, so I elected to take the Defensive Driving course as an alternative, and have the ticket expunged.

Except for the $135 cost, I'm glad I took the course because it was quite helpful learning difference in traffic laws here. But as you can imagine, I managed to pull a "Head of the Class" moment. It was during a discussion on red-light cameras that I asked if there was a difference in yellow-light length between those streets which are 35, 40, and 45mph. (Yes it's true, out here some streets have speed limits up to 45mph.) The instructor noted that Pueblo Grande had increased its length of the yellow light believing that would decrease red-light running, but in fact it did not. So it went back to having intersections where cars traveling very fast often have to slam on the brakes to avoid a red light ticket. (The kill line is actually beyond the crosswalk, so it's not completely hopeless.) I then asked the instructor if the city had thought about lowering the speed limits on the streets as a way to reduce red-light running. She implied they didn't, and the class naturally gasped slightly when I had revealed something I've already known...most of this is about creating back-door sources of revenue (stealth taxes I call them) to offset poor finance strategies for local governments.

Photo radar cameras do not issue citations unless a person is traveling at a speed 10 miles above the posted speed limit. Schools are the exception, only seven miles over. But the problem is, the flow of traffic can be ridiculously fast at times and finding the posted speed limit can be remarkably difficult. (You wonder to yourself, can these cities not afford signs?) Yes, Alta Sonora is one giant speed-trap.

The next day I went about my usual Sunday routine washing my clothes and preparing for the week ahead. But instead of heading to bed as normal, I took the trolley into Old Town and had a late dinner at Kona Grill. Then I went to my favorite choice for nightlife on Sundays, Dons-R-Us. (Dons, in local parlance, are young women who seek moneyed, usually older, dates.) The last time I went of course, I had been asked by a couple girls to join them at another club, but I turned them down as you recall because I didn't have enough cash to pay for another cover charge and my cab ride home. This time...well....

First, it was clear that with college out of session the selection took a hit. But it also didn't help that I decided to wear jeans with my suit jacket (because it was cold outside.) There were a bunch of other guys in group dressed this way and as you can imagine this didn't do wonders for my appearance. (Last time I wore a dress shirt and regular pants.) That left me pretty indifferent, as decent looking chicks would come and go and I would get no real indication if they wanted to dance with me. However, one particularly soused guy allowed this one group of girls to take his shirt off provocatively and then whip him with his belt. Management's decision was to kick the guy out, but let the girls stay. (These gals were not especially desirable.) But after the bouncer breaks it up, I figure we that is the end of it...nothing else to write home about. I then turn 180 degrees and see none other than Mike Tyson walking toward me.

Given how crowded and small this place is, Mike Tyson was the last thing I wanted to see. Naturally I got out of his way the best I could...but there was no confrontation. The  gal he wanted to dance with was not my type at all, and he only wandered back onto the dance floor after standing in the private areas for a while. People tried to engage him but I didn't. I was just happy to find a cab home and head to sleep, eager  for New Year's Eve.

Here I was anticipating that I would start to write about my unbelievable four days off. But by the time it got to be late today, one of my coworkers noticed I had a fever. So I went home via the drugstore...hoarding over the counter medication until I had a chance to read the thermometer...102 F! Luckily my fever is dropping so I think I can treat this at home. But it's bad timing because tomorrow is a crucial day at work AND it means I have to wait to write my latest correspondence.

At first I thought that I was simply having a New Year's Day hangover feeling sore from all the walking I did and the cold weather. But the fever implies that in that crowded theater for "Charlie's Wilson's War" there might have been someone about to get sick. Otherwise, the incubation pattern is something else. Let's hope it's not the flu.

 Ah crap, IT IS a confirmed case of the flu! Apparently incubation times are short enough that I must have gotten some time this weekend...since I've been in public a lot who knows where it came from. Just hopefully not Mike Tyson...yeah that's right I told you this little reverie was awesome.